Reentry
I am at a friend’s house.
In another state.
I am not at home.
These are all big deals.
As we figure out this new-old world of travel and seeing people again, I am struck by how sometimes I am in awe of it. I sit awkwardly close to people. I hug them a really long time. And then I do it again. I drink them up.
Other moments I am already taking for granted things I swore I would always notice post -pandemic. It’s like a dream you can’t really remember, “Something about lonely…. or was it fear? I don’t know. I know something big was happening.”
How do we even begin to fit back together the timeline of before, during (DURING LASTED SO LONG) and now almost-after?
Maybe we fit a bit like how I now sit.
Awkward.
Drawn close like moons.
Fitting like spoons.
I don’t know.
But I do know isolation was how we loved each other. I know it isn’t how we are supposed to grieve. I know it was passive and yet exhausting.
I know that the first hugs made me sob. The next few were awkward. Since then they are all ferocious and long and I hold on until I re-remember the dream.